Onion Articles I Can’t Help But Identify With, Part 137

October 24, 2017

From The Onion, Area Woman Lovingly Lint Rolling Cardigan As If Tending To Prized Stallion:

DURHAM, CT—Gently stroking the delicate piece of clothing, sources confirmed that area woman Lola Fennimore was lovingly lint rolling her cardigan Wednesday as if she were tending to a prized stallion. “You poor thing, you’ve had a rough day,” said Fennimore, pausing once or twice to carefully pick at a few stubborn fuzzballs and rest her cheek against the sweater to feel its softness. “There; you’re perfect. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Fennimore reportedly gave the cardigan one long last caress before guiding it to the closet like a rider leading her horse back to its stable for the night.

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