Five Quarantine Fits Sure To Impress Your Cat

April 13, 2020

The way things are looking, many of us are going to be stuck home for a while. That presents a problem for those of us who derive our primary pleasure in life from wearing nicer clothes than our peers. But we can adapt. Here are four ways you can dress at home, even though no one will see your outfits except your cat.



Elevated Sleepwear

High-quality clothing is always a worthwhile investment, even if it’s just to sleep in. You’re more than comfortable to drop upwards of $200 on a set from Derek Rose or Sleepy Jones. Your vibe is “nonproblematic Hugh Hefner.” You have a whole shoe rack for your velvet slippers. You refuse to let your cat sit on your lap and potentially ruin your $1.5k RRL Navajo print jacquard robe.



Rugged Comfy

Your closet is entirely shades of olive and blue. Your immune system is unusually strong from years of digging through an 80-year-old military surplus at flea markets. You just got a USAF hoodie from Real Mccoys that you hope will break in while you’re stuck at home. You will pair the hoodie with a 1970s puffer vest before deciding it’s too hot. Your cat will pause briefly, as if admiring the subtitle fades on your WWII frogskin P44 trousers before she runs out the front door while you collect your no-contact Uber Eats delivery. Your shell cordovan penny loafers, while a nice choice for your outfit, will not make it easy to catch her.



Pool Owner

You won’t be stuck inside — you have a pool! You’ve hosted every Fourth of July party for six years and have built up a sizable wardrobe that announces to the world that you are a sophisticated individual who still knows how to party. Your favorite episode of Mad Men is the one where Don meets the European swingers in California. You’ve wanted a terrycloth lined shirt since you saw Bottle Rocket, but you didn’t jump on it until Brycleland’s made one. Your biggest dilemma while getting dressed every morning is deciding between Birdwell and Orlebar Brown swim trunks. You’ll enjoy floating in your pool until your cat loudly fights with the neighbor cat.



Lord of Darkness

Avant-Garde can be comfortable too! You impulse bought the RICK OWENS x CHAMPION shorts not knowing how you would wear them. Now, you feel vindicated. Your DRKSHDW slides that you keep near your door for taking the trash out or walks to the corner store are getting significant wear. You have an unreasonably large collection of lint brushes because everything you own is black and you are constantly covered in cat hair.

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